Rants and Musings

Just wanted to wish everyone who will be celebrating the new year tonight, or who already is doing so, a very safe party experience, and to all, the best next 365 days possible.

To myself, and to those who may benefit from this insight, I now offer the mention of the #1 most important thing I learned in the year of their lord, 2006, in the hopes of it being not forgotten in the year to come:

Solu-Medrol makes me worse. I need to treat it like the chemical that it is, and not allow it to be put into my veins unless it's a life or death situation, and even then, it might be prudent to try just about everything else first.

Just say, "NO!"

Thanks for helping me through, people. Every little bit has been appreciated, despite what you may think.

Rock On!

Every now and again, I'll go over to myspace and do some searching... type in names of people I'm curious about, or missing.

Did that tonight. I don't know why. Maybe it's just the "end of the year" thing.

I have a cousin. I have a few cousins, actually. None of them are involved in my life... some by choice, some by circumstance.

My one cousin is a soldier. Serious soldier, not just the "I signed up to go to Iraq and kick some ass" type of soldier. He's one of those decorated, been there since soldiering was a choice, not a last resort, types.

I typed in his name, and there he was.

We look a lot a like.

He has "a real life" though... a family, a career... he's a father...

I didn't get to know him while we were growing up. Divorce... distance...

We should have known one another.

I think that we'd have made a difference in one another's lives.

I think that maybe we'd both have turned out a lot more "tolerant".

Can't hurt to think, I guess.

The other day, I had this really cool idea for a blog project, but the more I've thought on it, the more I've come to realize that it won't be possible for me to do.

This makes me feel very, very sad.

Constantly policing the world around you only leads to a "Police State".

True, but with no Police at all, you may not survive, if those out to do you harm figure out a way to do so.
So, what's the answer? How do we avoid a "Police State"  and yet still feel safe?

I think that's what the "founding fathers" were trying to set things up to do.

So, what hapened? How come I don't feel safe?

Someone built a better mouse trap?

What the hell does that mean?

I have no clue, but it sounded good.

Today's date, 12/28, keeps ringing a bell in my head.

I don't think that it's anyone's birthday which I'm forgetting, but it's something. The date... something either happened to me on this date, or at some point in my life it was a date that was important to remember for some reason.

I suppose that I could comb through my writing and try to figure it out, but that would mean flooding my head with too many past Decembers.

More and more, I don't want to read back. I'm not happy about feeling that way though. Being able to read back has always been something I've treasured. It keeps me "real," so to speak.

I suppose that not reading enough causes problems though. If you only read about the first glorious moment of getting a ticket, you often forget about the fact that doing so is what led you into a train wreck.

I'm just wondering whether it was just a departure date, or the date on which the train crashed.

I have no idea why it's important to me. That's the whole thing though; it's an unsolved mystery... a key with no apparent  door.

Going a long way back, I always had my "three M's" - Music, Magick, and Medicine.

The first thing I ever wanted to "be" when I grew up was Ringo Starr. I wanted to be a professional Rock drummer. Then, after but along with that, I wanted to be a Doctor. Being a teacher/Priest came along as a focus when I was in my mid to late teens.

I thought about "being" a lot of things after those original dreams, from a soldier to a tennis player, but the "three M's" were always there, competing for the ultimate "destination". I studied. I practiced. I sacrificed.

Poverty and disability squashed two of the three M's; Music and Medicine.

Magick?

All I can say or do in response to that question is to smirk and wink.

Being Cutter is pretty ok.

A lot of people make "New Year's resolutions."

The only one I recommend that people make is to not run out of toilet paper, because shit happens.

The "new year" is coming.

So, do I celebrate the new year? I suppose that I do. I do follow a specific calendar, and every year when it turns from one year into the next, I'm there paying attention to the fact that it is, in one way or another.

I try to use the evening to reflect on the past year, and to appreciate what I came out of it with. Sometimes I drink. Sometimes I drink too much. There have been sober New Year's Eves in my life too though. It's not all about the "party" for me, that's all, drinking or no.

In truth, I guess that it's really just another day... another "eve", the same as the one previous to it, but somehow though, the date enables me to smirk, just a little, at the fact that I managed to make it through another year.

This past year? It was the worst year of my life. Often, the good can even out the bad in a year, but with 2006, I don't know that I'll ever be able to feel that way about it.

It just came way too close to 2006 having been the last year in which I was alive.

I hope that 2007 will be kinder and gentler somehow, for me and for those I care for, and for everyone else too.